I don’t know if any of you have seen the trailers for the latest “comic-book” movie to come out of Hollywood — Constantine — but I have to say that not since I learned Winona Ryder was playing opposite Richard #@$%-ing Gere in the woeful Autumn in New York has the casting of a film gotten me so riled up.

When I first learned that Constantine (based on DC’s Vertigo title Hellblazer) was being made, I was pleased… John Constantine is a great character, and while I haven’t followed the series closely, I have enjoyed the parts of it I have read — and his appearances in other DC books (like Sandman or The Books of Magic) have been fun.

Then I learned that Keanu Reeves is playing the titular role…

Keanu @#%$-ing Reeves!

Never mind that Keanu is a generally sucky, one-dimensional actor…

John Constantine is British! And based on what I’ve seen in the trailers, Keanu doesn’t even try a British accent…

(For which, I suppose I should be glad… we were probably looking at a degree of bad accent not seen since Kevin Kostner’s fabled attempts in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.)

What was that Shakesperean film Keanu was in with Kenneth Branagh? As You Like It? No… it was Much Ado About Nothing. (*shudder*)

Don’t get me wrong, there are some roles Keanu has done well in. Johnny Mnemonic has one of the greatest monolgues in the history of film — the “slag heap” speech, as my buddy called it. Priceless stuff. Besides, Johnny has had part of his brain removed — that would explain why his personality is so flat, and plays into one of Keanu’s strengths.

I mean sure, Constantine is a generally cool cucumber… but I’m sure there are any number of British actors who could do it better.

It’s a shame, really. It could have been so cool… and yet, Keanu makes me fear it will suck.

There is some potential for redemption in the person of Rachel Weisz… rowr.